10 Phases of Eating Disorder Recovery

I think # 2 is me

2. "I Might Have A Problem But Its Not That Bad"
-I only throw up once and while

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY.....

Rochell

Thank you Rochell!

You may not feel very motivated to change any symptoms of ED right now, and thats is actually okay. I know you have been through quite a lot (an understatement) lately and trauma and ED are often linked. As you begin to feel stronger & stronger you will eventually come to a place where you will be ready to change your relationship with food. For right now its okay to allow yourself to be where you are at and work on trauma recovery- as this will ultimately begin to elevate your sense of self worth and esteem. We are with you no matter where you are at in your recovery.

Warmly,
Kellie Montgomery, LMFT

This is so hard for me, everyone wants me to be ok with food, but thats the only thing I can control. My life sucks and I am hating myself. I am really hating myself for feeling this way.

Rochell

Sounds like you have a lot of pressure on you right now. Its okay to feel this way, it really is...you are not bad for looking to food to for control. YOU ARE NOT BAD for feeling this way. We desperately look for control in our lives when we can not find it elsewhere- our minds' do this, its not something that happens over night and often trauma is a huge trigger. Let everyone know you can only go at your pace and that is all for now, that is enough- your pace is exactly what that is YOUR pace and you can not operate at someone else's. Its important that you honor where you are right now in your recovery- your healing is central right now. I know it seems impossible but right now the most important thing you can do is to show yourself compassion for the struggle you are going through- you are naturally a very sensitive person and have a lot of empathy- I already know this- its so important to show this kindess to yourself right now. You will have feelings you absoultely hate, try to seperate those feelings from who you are- Rochell is feeling these feelings, your being is not defined by them. Who you are is not trauma, is not
ED, you are recovering from this, your problems do not define who you are. You are so much more than that. Believe me, this thought is something that takes time to see, but you can begin to- it is a thought that heals.

-Kellie Montgomery< LMFT

I wish I could feel better about me, but I can't and I dont think I ever will. Maybe i am what everyone(my husband) said I was. I just dont know who and what I am anymore...

Rochell

That sounds like depression talking. Your husband is not "everyone" , although his voice and his words have had a lasting effect on your self-esteem. You can feel better about you, but right now you are in what sounds to be a depression, which narrows our ability to think positively..if at all.. your thoughts will be sad thoughts and they will be irrationally based on thinking negatively about you. But this is not you, this is your depression. How would you feel about a book club, you and me...and anyone else here that wants to join...reading a book that is uplifting. I just got a book today that I have been wanting to read about trauma, and I would love it if you wanted to read it with me. We could talk about it as often as you like. Its called, "Waking the Tiger" by the Peter Levine and its about healing trauma. If you are not into this idea right now thats totally okay and I'll understand.

Warmly,
Kellie Montgomery< LMFT

I'm just so sad and tired of feeling like i am no body. I try to smile but I dont know that that is anymore. I will go and get the book, i love to read...I just want to be happy and really mean it..

Rochell

I'm stage four. It got bad beyond all reason. I am naturally thin but felt I wasn't thin enough and was already mildly depressed when I started. It lasted about a year and a half until I was in debt because of it. It de-railed my senses and consumed my life. I didn't care for anyone and took advantage of people. This is incredibly out of my character. It scared me senseless to the point where I thought I may be suicidal. I came to my mother four days ago and finally told her what was going on. I was able to get health insurance. Since I told her, I have been staying with her and she has been monitoring my meal intake. I have still purged a few times since then, but I have been able to keep meals down and not binge. Most importantly, I am starting to feel the real person that I am surface again. I am not cured, and I am scared. I am scared I won't be able to kick this awful thing that almost killed me, and I am scared of relapse. I am scared of the emotional journey I am going to have to embark on to recover. I used my ED as an escape from my mountain of problems, and I don't know how to face them.

I fluctuate between 2,3 and 4. Mine started like Rochelle's. Through therapy, repressed sexual abuse surface and my ED was born through PTSD. I know exactly what Rochelle is feeling - feelings of worthlessness. I too am married with two kids 12 and 14. It is odd having this surface at my age. But, my ED is so strong, and even though I have been seeing a dietician and therapist both specializing in ED's, I am still losing. I am doing everything they ask of me (I am a people pleaser), so when I maintain/lose, it makes me happy and I want to keep going.

Rochelle - I went on anti-depressants and it really helped. If you aren't on any, consider it. Call you doctor. I knowI wouldn't have the strength to do what I am doing now without it.

Good luck. I appreciate everyone here. It's hard to talk to those around me as they don't really know how strong the ED voice can be.

well tomorrow I'm going to try in get help for everything I am going through. Its hard for me right now but I'm going to try

Merry Christmas
Rochell