How to Accept Weight Gain?

Hi there,

I am glad you have posted this. I have just checked myself into an inpatient program in order to get healthy and happy again (for good) and am pondering the same questions as you. I'm also interested in hearing how other people have managed weight gain too.

I have only been in recovery for 30 days, so not too sure, but what I have found has helped me is turning my skin n bones into defined muscles :) Not working out obsessively, just a bit, enough to make you feel better and look better. I also love yoga, for the body and mind. I have found it soothes and calms me and I use the breathing techniches I've learned to help me calm down in life too when I get super anxious or stressed out. I hope this helps ladies, much love, luck and strength to you both. We can and WILL beat this thing. We will be free :) I have to believe this :) I can't go on like I was, living half alive, just barely hanging on. I'm exhausted. Over it. It is the hardest thing I have ever done, but its for me, for life. We can do this. Good luck beautiful ladies. Stay strong and true to you :) xxx

Thankyou Errie, and you're so right. Ive just completed my first week in an inpatient program and although its hard and Im terribly homesick I've got to keep focusing on WHY I'm doing this - to be free - as you said. I can't wait to experience life without this ED. I can't wait to be normal again!

How wonderful to read from all of you! Because you know the hell this all is.

I have been in recovery for two weeks now, after my relapse. I have gained probably a bit and am a bit nervous about it. But, at the same time, I am getting rather angry at my AN. I am sick of feeling like maybe I'll die any day. I am sick of anxiety, hunger cramps and feeling like I could faint any moment. I am sick of having to carry snacks with me so that when I feel like I'll drop down, I can have some energy to go on. I am sick wondering what the hell is wrong with me... The wrong is that I am not eating enough. Point. And until I do so, the hell will continue.

So... Errie thank you for your pointer. I already tried it. Had a good snack and then went out for a bit, then ate dinner. And Simone86, just keep writing here when AN screams at you, you are so brave for doing what you are doing, because you know that you have to.

Let's be normal again, just like Simone86 said! Life free of AN is a life where you have energy to live! Not to think about food all the time but to have fun and do art and sports and party... yay to that, and now I'll have a bagel with jam (after the cereal and apple I already had) because it is morning and it is part of my healing breakfast! I dare to eat now... AN take that to your ugly face!!!!!

Love ya guys... keep writing okay!

CONGRATULATIONS LADIES!!! Oh, how fantastic :) SO happy and proud of you both :) Lets keep it up and keep being here for each other. So brilliant! I know its hard, I am still struggling everyday, but one day at a time, day 32 for me :) Today has been hard, as my tummy is all messed up...not used to food :( how pathetic is that???!!! But I am staying strong. Eating my 'safe' foods and trying to introduce others very very slowly. I managed a tiny amount of rice with my salad today :) So lets keep going ladies, beat this thing, be free, be happy, be truly alive :) YAY US!!! And F**K YOU ED!!! We are stronger, smarter, and far more beautiful than you will ever let us be. We don't need you anymore.
Stay strong and brave ladies,
Much love,
Erika.xxx

Hi there,
I am trying to do an outpatient eating disorder patient thing, but its not working. I have no control. i am an anorexic/bulimic. i refuse to do inpatient, as i dont think i am ready to see myself there. I am a registered nurse, so its hard for me to see myself as a patient. I have an overwhelming sense of guilt every time i eat, and i am not a bulimic that eats "bad food" ill eat zuchinni and throw up.
For me, i want to get better at home. But i am scared to gain weight. I want to know how to not be scared to gain weight. im afraid 3 lb will turn into 40 lb and i will have no control. Can someone give me advice?

Honesty you'll never be completely better. When you have an eating disorder you don't overcome it for good. It's something you deal with and fight for the rest of your life. I don't want to scare anyone but that's the truth. I have fought anorexia since I was a kid and while I'm doing good now and maintaining a healthy weight (pretty well anyway), I still struggle with it on a daily basis. I was almost hospitalized in 2006 because I was about 90-95 pounds. I'm about 5'6" tall. I was very sick, tired all the time, nauseaous and threw up a lot, depressed...the list goes on and on. While I have gotten better and even up to around 150 pounds...I couldn't stay there. I felt healthier but subconsciously I wouldn't eat because I thought I was fat. I used anorexia as a way to control something in my life. I still do that from time to time. I'm at about 117 pounds now and have worked very hard to stay there. Drinking peanut butter milkshakes every day has helped me maintain that weight. I still suffer, I still get upset...I deal with it every single day. Give it your best and always remember what you're living for.

I was always hungry, so id exercise because when I ran I no longer felt hungry. I was so sivk and so tired all the time. Im now finally at a healthy weight and even eating food with flavor. Its taken me a long time to get here and I dont think I know yet how to accept the weight gain. I hate it, but I feel better. I originally got help just so my friends and fam would stop bothering me about my weight and at the start I didnt even think me losing weight was a real problem. I see it now, I see what I did to myself was unhealthy...i just kind of take it day by day.

thanks girls. i need all the support i can get right now. i went 27 hrs without throwing up, but that was also limiting my calories to 400. so at 330 i got so hungry. and ate alot (as in oatmeal and lettuce) and then threw up. so i thought, wow i already purged today, may as well binge and purge throughout the day. i wish i could start over the minute after i "fail" but at times im not strong enough. but i did go 27 hrs. and it felt good. i had control over what i ate and what i binged.. but i still wasnt able to eat more then 500 calories a day. when is it time to do inpatient? how do you know you cant do it at home in an outpatient clinic?