I am so disgusted with myself.

By Beautiful Struggle on Sat, 01-21-12, 18:27

Posted in Group:

I have/had been free of the curses of my eating disorders for about 5 months. I have been dealing with them off and on for 5 years. I was 12 when I decided to stop eating. I have been either anorexic or bulimic off and on ever since. I am now 17. I love the results. I love my bones sticking out. Some people may find that unattractive or even repulsive, but for some reason, every time I notice some weight loss (we don't own a scale because of my problems) I become happier. I am not underweight at the moment, I am a normal weight. That upsets me. I'd love to lose 20 pounds. I got weighed today at the doctors and almost cried when the scale hit 140. I've been cutting back on my food as much as possible for almost a month now, but the past few days I haven't been able to control myself. I binged today more than ever. I was so full I honest to god looked 7 months pregnant. I told myself that I would never again make myself throw up... apparently that meant nothing. I threw up everything until all that came out was stomach acid. I went 5 months with eating normally. Why does this "disease" never fully go away? And why can I go so long without doing it only to relapse and end up back to square one?

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By j3ssi3_b3ar on Sat, 01-21-12, 18:31

you gotta stay strong and just try to hold it back as much as u can i kow its hard and imonly 15 but just try think about how bad it is for u keep ur head up :)

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By Shark1687 on Sun, 01-22-12, 14:15

I know when I'm anxious about something my ocd gets bad so maybe think about times in the past when u feel like not eating very strongly... Is there something deeper going on. Do u feel like u have control over things in ur life? Message me anytime

U r not alone

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By myjenny on Sun, 01-22-12, 14:18

I'm currently 31 and have been dealing with eating disorders for about 1/2 of my life. Only within the past year did I have the courage to face the problems behind why I have eating disorders in the first place. I realize now that I was afraid, of everything; what others would think, them not liking the way I dressed/looked/talked. I always based myself on how I thought others would perceive me. This left the real me lost & the only way for the real me to come out was through food, binge eating or purging. Only within the past year have I been able to finally connect with myself, the real me.

Try to think, think deep, of the real reasons you are binge eating & purging. Are you hiding from something/someone? Are you under some sort of stress?

I think one day I will be fully recovered & I do think one day you will be as well. For now try to discover you, the real you, not the one that bases her happiness on numbers.

Stay strong & keep the faith in yourself.

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By Beautiful Struggle on Mon, 01-23-12, 10:58

I have been doing my research on thinspiration and it sounds like if you go about losing weight this way that it isn't harmful. Then there are the girls I see bragging about how they've lost weight and some didn't have an ounce of fat on them in the first place. I just want to lose my flabby tummy and my muffin top. I know I am not happy with my body and I think that losing weight would help me to accept myself a little more, and for once I will have control over my urges to binge.

Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.

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By Shark1687 on Mon, 01-23-12, 12:39

What about a healthy diet and exercise? It won't produce results as fast but u dnt know why kind I damage ur doing by not eating right. That may sound harsh but it's so important to take care of ur physical needs.

U r not alone

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By Shark1687 on Mon, 01-23-12, 12:40

Also. Ur NOT supposed to see bones on ur body. I'm concerned. And if u want to talk feel free I message me

U r not alone

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By Shark1687 on Mon, 01-23-12, 12:40

Also. Ur NOT supposed to see bones on ur body. I'm concerned. And if u want to talk feel free I message me

U r not alone

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By Shark1687 on Mon, 01-23-12, 12:41

Last thing lol. Would u be posting this I u don't think it's a problem???

U r not alone

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By Beautiful Struggle on Mon, 01-23-12, 13:40

I already have problems stemming from my bulimia, but my anorexia never really hurt me. I know I should just love and accept myself, but I think that will be easier once I lose the weight.

Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.

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By Beautiful Struggle on Mon, 01-23-12, 13:40

I already have problems stemming from my bulimia, but my anorexia never really hurt me. I know I should just love and accept myself, but I think that will be easier once I lose the weight.

Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.

Support Points: 640

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