I love/hate living with ED

By calirunner on Tue, 01-31-12, 21:00

Posted in Group:

Anorexia

I had a catastrophic event happen in my life over a year ago. I went into severe depression and could not eat. After 5 months of not being able to eat, it turned into not wanting to eat and wanting to keep losing weight, until I was nothing.

i went to treatment 1500 miles from my home for 13 weeks and within 3 week of coming home I ended up back in the hospital for 3 1/2 weeks because I started restricting again and became severely orthostatic.

I am out of the hospital, but it seems like the only that makes me happy these days are my children and losing weight. I over exercise and restrict and I know that it is extremely unhealthy for me. I have been told that due to my severe orthostasis I could die of heart failure.

I have only been going through this for about 16 months, but it is so ingrained in me that I can't get rid of it. I have been in individual therapy the entire times except for the 13 weeks I was in Denver.

How can someone give up on something that brings them the only pleasure they have in their lives right now?????

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By CK on Wed, 02-01-12, 17:59

You have to do it for your kids if you cannot do it for yourself,. Are you truly willing to kill yourself and allow them to grow up without you only to satify an addiction? As tough and cruel as this may be, your only choice is continue this and die or CHOOSE to get better. All the therapy in the world cannot force you to get better, you must decide this is what you want.

I hope you choose to live a glorious life.

-CK

Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast-Alice in Wonderland

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