recovery gone wrong.....

hey, i'm 13 years old and a couple of months ago i started losing weight. I was a little bit overweight and well, chubby sometimes i would cry because I didn't want to leave the house looking so "fat". So I decided to lose weight and I did , like alot in about 2 months and I loved it I was on top of the world being so skinny and walking in the streets feeling good about myself.... . The problem is is that I was barely eating enough food at all and I lost my period. I started noticing more changes like how I was always tired and upset and my head spun every time I stood up , my stomach became concave and my hands started to dry out and become bony and ruined. But I didn't care as long as I was skinny , that was all I thought about :food , exercize , calories , and anything relating .I became obssesed , that was all I could talk about , and it just got worse , my bones stuck out my cheeks got hollow and I got bags under my eyes , I still hadn't gotten my period for 5 months and I was always feeling drained. My mom finally took me to a specialist and a nutritionist and they tried to help me at first I went too far, I took up binging and then doing CRAZY amounts of exercize. I gained some weight but my heart rate was like deadly low the next week I lost weight and my heart rate was still low , they threatend to send me to the hospatal. Now I got physically a little better my cheeks have color and my eyes aren't hollow and my heart rate got better but" I " got worse. I don't want any risk of gaining weight so I lye about not doing exercize and I find myself hating me when I eat right and I'm kind of losing it. 2 days ago I tried to drown myself just because... I wanted to I wanted the pain , the distraction , and I also have friends who cut themselves so today I wondered why and I tried to cut myself and I was mad when it didn't work . I really am scared in every way so that while everyone else thinks I'm making progress I'm misarable and I'm starting to become dangorous to myself I know it's bad and that I should stop but I just can't Oh , and I also kind of started litarally starving myself of food I'm scared and no one will listen please I need help .....