Starting to Feel more Insane...

By StillAching on Wed, 02-01-12, 20:26

Posted in Group:

Anorexia

Okay, so I'm new to this, but trying to get over this alone hasn't helped me.
I've been okay semi-without ED for two and a half years. Semi- because that voice kept whispering things to me, I ignored it as best I could, and I had a few cheat days..weeks. My mom was diagnosed with diabetes a while ago, and my sister and I help her with her dieting. She eats every two to four hours, those healthy portions, and does no exercise. After her usual check up she comes home and tells me, of all people, she lost two pounds and that she was surprised cause she does nothing to loose the weight. At that a wave of irritation and anger hit me.. Why can't my body do that? I exercise, try to eat healthy, and nothing.!! That voice that I had tuned down to low volume, came back full blast. Eating makes me angry and I'm starting to limit my food intake again. I feel like such a failure for it... then I'm kind of happy that I'm going back to the smaller size I used to be.. Three days ago I started talking to my food, asking why I had to eat it, answering to myself in that ED voice that I didn't have to. I threw it away then I cried... I'm feeling more and more like a lunatic, hearing that voice telling me what to do, criticizing me at every turn..
Does anyone else feel this way? I don't want to feel like I'm crazy.

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By CK on Fri, 02-03-12, 12:23

Have you ever sought therapy to help you quiet those voices that are telling you that it is better to starve? Doing it on your own is really hard, not impossible, but quite challenging because it seems that you have never truly dealt with the emotions that fuel your ED. Obviously weight is a huge part of it, but what led to this disgust with food and your weight is important to identify.

I wish you the strength to truly face this and find your way to the other side.

Hugs-
CK

Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast-Alice in Wonderland

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By StillAching on Wed, 02-08-12, 13:55

No, I've never really looked for therapy. I don't want to add to the tight bills we already have.
Thank you for your support, I'm getting up the courage to go find the counselors at my college.

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